When I....

So today I wanted to tell you about what I feel when I compose. Usually when I am composing something I am really really excited. I can't sit in one place when I am thinking, and I keep jumping all around, except when I practice what I have thought of. You see, usually the level of music I think of is higher than my level of playing, so I need to practice it several times so that I can play it. This also helps me remember whatever I have composed. That is one perpetual problem I face. I keep forgetting what I composed. So unless I play it a number of times or write it down, I usually don’t remember. Writing down is not such a good idea, because it takes time, and usually I forget by the time I finish writing!!

But nevertheless its not so much of a problem, because I keep coming up with new things again and again, so its ok even if did forget some of the things I composed.

Now when I listen to a song, I don’t pay as much attention to the tune or the lyrics of the songs as much as I pay attention to the feel of it. The feel is also related to the tune and lyrics also, for example I wont even hear a song the second time if the lyrics are bad. They have to be atleast descent lyrics if I have to hear it again. So I have a general idea about the lyrics and what the song wants to convey (again the feel) and leave it at that. Similarly the tune. I never remember the tune in a few hearings, only after 4-5 times of listening, I start remembering the tune. (I do manage to remember the tune better than lyrics)

Along with the tune the other nuances of the song also stay, like the music, the beats and harmony etc. That’s why you would always hear my singing the background music along with the song itself most of the time.

So actually every time I hear a song, (or a music piece) the general idea about the composer's mind is what I try to listen to. I try to find what exactly in the piece is making it sound like that and give the corresponding feel. In this way I hone, and fine tune my skill at composing. It gives me an idea about what sort of notes, beats, harmony and instruments I need to choose to give the kind of feel I want to give to my composition. Of course there is a lot of trial and error too, and most of the times heavy constraints. But I have somewhat become skilled at composing with constraints. I manage to get the best out of the musicians in all my compositions. They do have to work hard at playing my compositions.

There is always this energy in my compositions which is a reflection of me as a person. And more often than not, they are rather complicated, and at times obscure, again a reflection of my personality. I glow when I hear complex music and when I compose it, and hear it being played. Complexity has always intrigued me, more than simplicity. It amazes me to find that actually quite simple things put together make a complex thing, and the order in which you combine them really makes the difference. I look at life the same way, look at the various simplicities within an inherently complex structure.

Though the way I lead my life may seem complicated initially, I think that it is simple. My compositions too need to be heard with more care to find the simplicity in it, though it may not be apparent.

Since most of my compositions are fast paced, or atleast build up in pace, it is not too easy to spot the emotion it tries to convey. Again, it difficult to pin point a single emotion in it.
I compose when I am inspired to compose or instigated to compose. I compose when there is a reason to compose, when I feel that there is going to be an outcome to my composition. (may be in the form of a performance) At all other times I do play music spontaneously, but I don’t try and remember what I played. I just try and sharpen my faculty of composing, so that when it is called for, it performs.