Let Me deviate

Today, I am not much in a mood to write anything serious. I will write something more from my heart.

Each time, I get into one of the moods, whether happy or angry, or ponderous, or melancholic, or literally any mood which cannot even be described in words, I get some tune, some set of notes in my mind. Every thing I want to say, but cannot say either because I am over-whelmed, or because its too complicated to say, I generally get into a singing or a playing spree. I usually prefer my guitar under such circumstances, because I can express myself the best with the guitar.

Many a times, I don't even remember what I played (in fact most of the times) I just play whatever comes to my fingers, from my heart. At this time, there is a great influence of my previous practice. I find that many a times, a phrase or an expression which I have oft practiced before, comes repeatedly to my fingers. But my heart probably wants to say something different. So, sometimes I go back and slowly play what my mind actually wants. But many times, my mind accepts the expression, because its a more familiar one and seems more pleasing to the ear.

On the other hand, I can't really make out whether some expressions are from the heart or from my fingers. But my mind tells me whether it sounds musically good or no. Many a times, my mind also does away with very simple sounding expression, whether they are from the heart or from the fingers. I have this urge to compose pretty weird music, so it gets reflected in the nature of music I finally play.

Its quite interesting to see the actions of these three things interact with one another to produce a piece of music. And it gives me a great pleasure to watch their interactions and think about all these three parts of the brain from a fourth part of the brain. Isn't the whole idea incredible??? What I called my heart, my fingers, my mind and my conscience, all are actually different parts of the brain itself.

But all the same, many people ask me, how can you compose? Tell me how you compose. But I am not able to answer, what happens to me when I am composing? How do the ideas come into my head? How do I know what to play so that it sounds good? I really don't know. And again I cannot repeat it whenever I want. I am not able to come up with something great when I must. Only when I am at some peak which I cannot even know, I can come up with something really good. I have never performed under pressure.

I think that the ability to play music and to play original music is a God sent gift. I am very lucky to be able to discover it and use it to find relief in my life through all the mental and physical struggles.

Before ending the blog I must point out the irony of my discussion. I wanted to write something from my heart, but ended up writing something from my mind.

Cheers!!!!